Mom’s Who Loose Their Sh**!

Mom’s Who Loose Their Sh**!

Recently there has been a lot of talk on social media about mom’s who lose their sh**. They lose it at the end of their day when they’ve clocked in a 18-hour shift. They lose it after they’ve swept the kitchen floor twelve times that day and still manage to locate the rogue cheerio’s by stepping on them, grinding the crunchy mass into their newly laundered merino wool sock. They lose it after the 24th tuck in to include the 8th sip of water, the removal of the lodged booger, and the multiple security checks of the gloom under the bed. Or when their significant other comes home and asks what they’ve been doing all day as they step over the random discarded muddy socks on the floor instead of picking them up…

As patient as they try to be…   sometimes Mom’s do lose their sh**.

And you know what? It’s ok. We are all human. We all try our darndest, and we all at times, are going to get to the end of our ropes. We shouldn’t let it be a reflection of our mothering ability, but at times it might seem that way.

We try to be the best we can, and we love our families dearly. But sometimes, just sometimes, it gets to be so much that the stress and tension of so much riding on just us to please so many other humans…that we reach a certain point!

Hence, the losing of the sh**.

 

 

We still love you. We will still feed you, care for you, check under the beds, and yes, even remove the challenging doosie of a lodged booger. But sometimes we just need a moment.

So, when you see that mom at the grocery store with a couple of flailing little bodies horizontal on the floor and she is trying ever so gracefully to instruct her hooligans to get up and get moving with no reaction from them but to continue the belligerent display of spaziness, cut her some slack. Give her the ole’ head nod that you totally get it and you support her as a fellow community member from the mama’s who sometimes just lose their sh**.


A Day Of Remembrance…

A Day Of Remembrance…

I was unsure how I would write this blog, or even if I ever would at some point. My mother died. It’s still hard to say that after so many years. She left behind an extremely loving husband (my father), myself and 9 of my siblings, (along with 31 grandchildren). Yes, 10 children. That’s a whole other story I’ll tell you about on a different day. But she was the strongest and most inspirational person I’ve known.

Yesterday was her birthday. She loved having her birthday in the fall, because, like me, we shared a love for autumn, Halloween, and everything about the coming of the holidays. A time to cherish your loved ones and be grateful for everything and everyone in your life. She taught me that, and I continue to carry on that belief and instill it in my children.

Typically, on her birthday I like to be by myself. I usually need to be because it’s still so hard for me to realize that she’s not coming back. I don’t know if any of you have ever thought that way? If you’ve lost a loved one, and even though you know in reality they won’t be returning, there are just some days when it’s almost like you expect them to return and you wonder what is delaying them. Like you expect to see them that day. I suppose it depends on what you believe. I know some people think days like that can be a sign your loved one is with you in spirit and making a connection with you. I like to believe that is true.

So yesterday, October 25th, was her birthday. I went on a long hike.

Just me and my cherished dog, Freesia.
The morning started off a bit cold with an extremely dense fog creeping through the town and up into the mountains where we went.
As we started our trek the fog was beginning to burn off just a little as it’s competition the sun crowded its way in.
I was able to get a few shots of the change in scenery as we climbed up to the top of the trail.

 

A nice little trail
I could definitely feel my mother with us as we made our way through the forest. ♥

 

It seemed as though the birds were following us at times.

 

Freesia’s getting a bit tired

 

Once at the top, the view was amazing! The fog still hovered over the little town and the surrounding fields, but at the top it was blue skies and warm sun that greeted us!

 

Such a wonderful hike to clear my mind of all the daily life chaos and just reflect on her.

Happy Birthday Mama

 

Hoe, Hoe, Hoe…

I was recently on Facebook looking for a kitten for my daughter. I found an add posted by a woman in a nearby town and contacted her. We began chatting back and forth about cats and kids, and I told her that I had 6 children. She went on to call me “a huge hoe”. Excuse me? I thought it was a misprint on her part, but she clarified that she was indeed calling me a huge whore! Wow!

After the initial shock from her rudeness wore off a bit, I asked her why she would make such a statement to a stranger? She informed me that if anyone had more than 3 children, they were indeed whores. I didn’t feel the need to “explain” the number of my children, but did tell her that three of my kids were biological and a few were adopted. She proclaimed that it was “okay then”. Phew! What a relief it was that this ignorant dip stick was pardoning me from a life of a huge hoe label plastered on my forehead!

 

Seriously? Is that what some people really think? And if they think that, do they think it is their place to judge others? I don’t ask for assistance, I provide for all my children, and raise them to be kind, caring and honest human beings. We don’t live like royalty, but we’re grateful for all we have and worked very hard to achieve. But I also know others who still struggle. Plenty of two parent or single parent families with several children who strive every day to make their world a better place and provide for their own families. Good decent kind people who happen to have more than 3 children. Some have 5, 6, or maybe even 8! No matter how they arrived at their “number”, why do some people think it’s ok to judge them and label the women in the equation as whores?

Talking to some women, they have felt judged by this stereotype and the assumption that if they have multiple children they must all be from multiple different men. That they are probably un-employed and sit around all day watching Jerry Springer and sucking down Big Gulps!

I know quite a few successful women (and men) raising their children with partners or alone with large families. They weren’t handed what they have. They worked hard. Do we call the attorney with 5 children a huge hoe because she put herself though law school while working two jobs but decided she wanted multiple children? Where is the kindness and emotional support from other adults? Where is the love for children?

 

I’m not so naive that I don’t realize that there are indeed some people who do milk certain systems and don’t strive to work hard, don’t have a good work ethic, or even attempt to raise kind human beings. But, does that give us permission to treat them with such disdain? Perhaps they have a back story that we know nothing about. Perhaps there is a legitimate reason that they are where they are. Perhaps… Or maybe not. But to pass judgement on every family who may not fit into the “perfect” mold of having two or three children, is just cruddy.

So, to all my fellow “huge hoes” out there, whether you came about your gaggle of children from your uterus, your heart, or your family ties, drive on! You’re doing great!

And no…. I didn’t get the kitten. 😊

YOU have a baby?… At YOUR Age?

At the age of 45 I was blessed with a wonderful arrival. A sweet tiny infant girl. She was the most precious and innocent thing I had seen in quite a while, and arrived in my life during a time when I really needed inspiration and some goodness. Her sweet little cheeks and warm little clinging fingers were incredible and I was instantly in love.

Fast forward 5 years… I’m still in love, but oh, boy is she a challenge. Not really “her”, but more me. My status. My AGE…

At 45 while basking in the euphoria of becoming a new mom, I hadn’t really noticed that I was an “older mom”. But then I looked around. I noted at the school were my son was attending at the time, that I didn’t quite have the same energy level that most of the other mothers did. At the library, I noticed most of the moms didn’t have the little crow’s feet starting that I did. At baby yoga most of the other mothers didn’t have their knees sounding like popcorn as they got up from their mats. Was I all alone at 45 with a new baby?

Heck no! When I started looking for older moms, I found them! It was as if I was playing some crazy game of “Where’s Waldo” every time I went out. To the super market, the library, the local Home Depot etc. Older moms were there, but they seemed to be flying under the radar. They were right there in the thick of it with all the other moms, but just doing things at perhaps a different pace. A super bonus was discovering so many advanced moms at our current school. Moms were loud and proud and flying their super hero capes just as confidently as the younger moms!

 

 

Yes, we may have little wisps of grey hair here and there. Yes, we may not be slim, sleek and perky where we use to be. But we are moms! We have the same drive, strength, and love that our younger mama partners have. We may just need a little bit more Tylenol than they do.

The great thing is that there are more and more of us now. More of the “average” moms are a bit older. Some women are waiting a bit longer to start their families, or having a second set (like I did) when they are in their 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s! Halle Berry, Kelly Preston, and Hoda Kotb to just name a few. And the small and growing trend of women becoming moms at 50 and older is definitely happening. Whether it be by modern reproductive technology, adoption or whatever, the community of “older moms” is growing.

Are you an older mom? Do you want to be? Perhaps contact your local state foster/adopt agencies or, depending on the route you are envisioning for yourself, talk to your doctor about the medical risks.

If you’re on the fence about adding to your flock of kids or just starting up, jump in! You aren’t getting any younger 😊

Hugs!

 

How Do I Raise Such A Spirited Child?

I was recently talking to my son and discussing what a spirited and, shall we say, “active” child he was when he was younger. He’s now well into his twenties and has been reflecting on life. He actually apologized for being such a handful for me. I assured him that was absolutely not necessary, and that I never viewed his spirited nature as a burden or complication while he was growing up.

I explained to him that my philosophy with child rearing and parenting in general is to always follow the child when you can. If a child seems more spirited or active, or quiet, or passive, I believe that following that individual child is what is important, and not trying to fit him or her into a specific mold that has been set out before us on how to raise our children. In addition, we do not “shame raise” our kids. We don’t tell them that they will disappoint us if they make a mistake or bring home a bad grade from school. To attempt to dent the psyche or the actual soul of a child in that manner is just cruel.

Unfortunately, I have seen parents that rear their children that way. Those children may grow up and appear to be functioning adults, but are they confident? Do they continually seek and need approval from others in their relationships? Are they actually happy with themselves, or do they continue to feel that they may just not be good enough?

I am in no way a perfect parent, but am proud that all my children are strong, ethical, and kind human beings. And yes, some were more spirited than others. Discovering what they need to actually channel that sprit is the adventure. Is it in creativity? It may be in dance, art, theater, or writing. Is the need to find the gateway for success in something like soccer, track, or computer design? They are all individuals and it is up to us, their parents, to unearth their talents or interests through support and following their lead. Not suppressing them with unnecessary shame or teaching them that holding grudges and negativity is healthy.

Sure, my children made mistakes and had consequences to unwise decisions that they may have made. Those consequences were swift, and may not have been fun, but were never in place to make them feel less of themselves. Quite the opposite. They learned cause and effect, right from wrong, and how to not repeat the mistake. They learned. They built from that foundation.

We are all doing the best we can with our children. They don’t come with an instruction booklet. Do we make mistakes with them? Sure. Do we attempt to learn from those mistakes for the future or even with the next kid? Hopefully. And hopefully we don’t totally mess them up along the way. But guiding those with that extra little twinkle in their eyes, aka high spirit, is a gift that can only make you stronger. Or totally deflate you some days. 😊

Are you the parent of a spirited child?