Hoe, Hoe, Hoe…

I was recently on Facebook looking for a kitten for my daughter. I found an add posted by a woman in a nearby town and contacted her. We began chatting back and forth about cats and kids, and I told her that I had 6 children. She went on to call me “a huge hoe”. Excuse me? I thought it was a misprint on her part, but she clarified that she was indeed calling me a huge whore! Wow!

After the initial shock from her rudeness wore off a bit, I asked her why she would make such a statement to a stranger? She informed me that if anyone had more than 3 children, they were indeed whores. I didn’t feel the need to “explain” the number of my children, but did tell her that three of my kids were biological and a few were adopted. She proclaimed that it was “okay then”. Phew! What a relief it was that this ignorant dip stick was pardoning me from a life of a huge hoe label plastered on my forehead!

 

Seriously? Is that what some people really think? And if they think that, do they think it is their place to judge others? I don’t ask for assistance, I provide for all my children, and raise them to be kind, caring and honest human beings. We don’t live like royalty, but we’re grateful for all we have and worked very hard to achieve. But I also know others who still struggle. Plenty of two parent or single parent families with several children who strive every day to make their world a better place and provide for their own families. Good decent kind people who happen to have more than 3 children. Some have 5, 6, or maybe even 8! No matter how they arrived at their “number”, why do some people think it’s ok to judge them and label the women in the equation as whores?

Talking to some women, they have felt judged by this stereotype and the assumption that if they have multiple children they must all be from multiple different men. That they are probably un-employed and sit around all day watching Jerry Springer and sucking down Big Gulps!

I know quite a few successful women (and men) raising their children with partners or alone with large families. They weren’t handed what they have. They worked hard. Do we call the attorney with 5 children a huge hoe because she put herself though law school while working two jobs but decided she wanted multiple children? Where is the kindness and emotional support from other adults? Where is the love for children?

 

I’m not so naive that I don’t realize that there are indeed some people who do milk certain systems and don’t strive to work hard, don’t have a good work ethic, or even attempt to raise kind human beings. But, does that give us permission to treat them with such disdain? Perhaps they have a back story that we know nothing about. Perhaps there is a legitimate reason that they are where they are. Perhaps… Or maybe not. But to pass judgement on every family who may not fit into the “perfect” mold of having two or three children, is just cruddy.

So, to all my fellow “huge hoes” out there, whether you came about your gaggle of children from your uterus, your heart, or your family ties, drive on! You’re doing great!

And no…. I didn’t get the kitten. 😊

YOU have a baby?… At YOUR Age?

At the age of 45 I was blessed with a wonderful arrival. A sweet tiny infant girl. She was the most precious and innocent thing I had seen in quite a while, and arrived in my life during a time when I really needed inspiration and some goodness. Her sweet little cheeks and warm little clinging fingers were incredible and I was instantly in love.

Fast forward 5 years… I’m still in love, but oh, boy is she a challenge. Not really “her”, but more me. My status. My AGE…

At 45 while basking in the euphoria of becoming a new mom, I hadn’t really noticed that I was an “older mom”. But then I looked around. I noted at the school were my son was attending at the time, that I didn’t quite have the same energy level that most of the other mothers did. At the library, I noticed most of the moms didn’t have the little crow’s feet starting that I did. At baby yoga most of the other mothers didn’t have their knees sounding like popcorn as they got up from their mats. Was I all alone at 45 with a new baby?

Heck no! When I started looking for older moms, I found them! It was as if I was playing some crazy game of “Where’s Waldo” every time I went out. To the super market, the library, the local Home Depot etc. Older moms were there, but they seemed to be flying under the radar. They were right there in the thick of it with all the other moms, but just doing things at perhaps a different pace. A super bonus was discovering so many advanced moms at our current school. Moms were loud and proud and flying their super hero capes just as confidently as the younger moms!

 

 

Yes, we may have little wisps of grey hair here and there. Yes, we may not be slim, sleek and perky where we use to be. But we are moms! We have the same drive, strength, and love that our younger mama partners have. We may just need a little bit more Tylenol than they do.

The great thing is that there are more and more of us now. More of the “average” moms are a bit older. Some women are waiting a bit longer to start their families, or having a second set (like I did) when they are in their 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s! Halle Berry, Kelly Preston, and Hoda Kotb to just name a few. And the small and growing trend of women becoming moms at 50 and older is definitely happening. Whether it be by modern reproductive technology, adoption or whatever, the community of “older moms” is growing.

Are you an older mom? Do you want to be? Perhaps contact your local state foster/adopt agencies or, depending on the route you are envisioning for yourself, talk to your doctor about the medical risks.

If you’re on the fence about adding to your flock of kids or just starting up, jump in! You aren’t getting any younger 😊

Hugs!